This dress was meant to end up on your floor
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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