The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
