So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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