Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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