so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
