You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Are my feet made of real feet?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
