I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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