Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
