Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
