eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
