And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
