I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
