The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
this just has baby written all over it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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