I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
