I feel like abortions should bother me more
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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