Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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