I'd wear matching sweaters with you
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
