Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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