i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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