she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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