DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
