smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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