New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sacagawea was the original milf.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
