you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
