i already hear my dad disowning me
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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