well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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