If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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