Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
