Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
