Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
