So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
