I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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