Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize