my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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