he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
