not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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