His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
