We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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