If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
