Where is the hickey?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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