Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
this boner is exhausting
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
