shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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