Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
