my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize