It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
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She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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