I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
