oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
