just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
