I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
40s are totally the cure
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
