Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
