Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
