What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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