Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
