I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
