And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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