Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
