all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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