Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
