yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
