No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Randomize
