he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
