he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
