Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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