Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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