i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
