I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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