The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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