Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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