I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
