worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
