there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
